Kevan Levi Braun: 18 September 1990 - 25 December 2008
Levi died today, Christmas, at about noon. He had a seizure, like many before, and his father called 911 when he found him with no breath or heartbeat. I got there in time to see them wheeling him into the ambulance. They worked on him an hour in the emergency room, but there was nothing to be done.
We've known each other for nine years, but I was never able to get to know Levi very well, although he always felt free to help himself in my fridge or try to take my coffee out of my hand. (Dude, get your own coffee, already!) He was severely autistic and couldn't speak, although he could understand and even read a few words. I'm pretty good with words, but not much good at getting beyond them.
It was hard for his family sometimes, taking care of Levi. Just trying to get any medical folks to notice things worth looking at was a nightmare. He had shingles at age 10, and I tried with Judy to get the doctor to see that the shingles didn't matter, but that when a 10 year-old is regularly getting shingles, that issue needed looking into. Judy faced that invincible stupidity every day. Judy even took him to New Orleans and Cleveland looking for help.
Now it will be very hard to live without him. Most people had no use for Levi, and he knew who they were, and without being mean sent them on their way. Those who stopped to get acquainted became more human.
Cold grey rain out of a dismal grey sky in his honor. Tough Christmas.
We've known each other for nine years, but I was never able to get to know Levi very well, although he always felt free to help himself in my fridge or try to take my coffee out of my hand. (Dude, get your own coffee, already!) He was severely autistic and couldn't speak, although he could understand and even read a few words. I'm pretty good with words, but not much good at getting beyond them.
It was hard for his family sometimes, taking care of Levi. Just trying to get any medical folks to notice things worth looking at was a nightmare. He had shingles at age 10, and I tried with Judy to get the doctor to see that the shingles didn't matter, but that when a 10 year-old is regularly getting shingles, that issue needed looking into. Judy faced that invincible stupidity every day. Judy even took him to New Orleans and Cleveland looking for help.
Now it will be very hard to live without him. Most people had no use for Levi, and he knew who they were, and without being mean sent them on their way. Those who stopped to get acquainted became more human.
Cold grey rain out of a dismal grey sky in his honor. Tough Christmas.
posted by Peter Attwood at 12/25/2008 05:40:00 PM
25 Comments:
My Name is Mary Braun, I live in Joplin,Mo. however lived in California to witness the beauty of my Levi for his first years of life.. Levi and I had a very special relationship..I seen Levi differently then other people. I didn't see him as different then us,He in fact was not at all different then us he was much smarter and more intelligent then most...I loved to sit and observe the things he did it was amazing to watch him.. I taught him how to give 5 when he was little and seen them in Colorado about 5 years later and the first thing that kid did was give me 5. I annoyed Levi a lot, I'm sure, as I never really just let him walk away without following him. I bugged him I guess you can say. He learned how to say my name when he was little and one year I talked to him on Christmas and he said MERRY Christmas He made the Merry louder so I knew in my heart he knew who I was that day even though it was on the phone. You see my Levi is my Angel, not just mine but to everyone who got the chance to know him. He still is my Angel and now I am blessed to have him even closer to me..Trips to Cal. will never be the same of course without him there, He of all was the one I was most excited to go see.. He on the other hand when he seen me was probably thinking Oh My there's that crazy family.. My husband Victor and our children were like me and we "bugged" him while visiting.. Levi would get upset sometimes but I know in his heart he loved every minute of the bugging we did.. Levi I miss you and I love you my little Angel.. Kev,Judy,Amanda, and Raymond times are gonna be hard forever with your loss please know even though were in Missouri were here for all of you now and forever..
ON DECEMBER 25TH.,2008 JESUS GOT THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT HE HAS EVER RECEIVED,"OUR ANGEL LEVI"..
God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be
So He put His arms around you
And whispered 'Come with Me.'
With tearful eyes
We watched you suffer
And saw you fade away
Although we loved you dearly
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating
Hard working hands at rest
God broke our hearts to prove
He only takes the best.
It's lonesome here without you
We miss you more each day
Life doesn't seem the same
Since you've gone away.
When days are sad and lonely
And everything goes wrong
We seem to hear you whisper
'Cheer up and carry on.'
Each time we see your picture
You seem to smile and say
'Don't cry, I'm in God's keeping
We'll meet again someday.'
I'm Levi's Aunt Chelsea. I've known Kevan and Levi ever since they were each born. About the time Kevan was born, I had met my future husband, Mike, who was Kevan's brother. I was at the hospital the day Levi was born; he was so beautiful and he looked just like Kevan did when he was a baby. I think his APGAR Score was a 10; he was so healthy. I can remember his 2nd Birthday; he was so cute, normal and playful. He had started talking normal baby words. (Da-Da, Ma-Ma.) After he had his MMR shot, is when his life was forever changed. For 18 yrs. Kevan & Judy devoted all their time to doing everything possible for Levi and their kids. HE WILL BE MISSED NOT ONLY BY HIS LOVING PARENTS AND SIBLINGS, BUT ALSO BY ALL HIS FAMILY & FRIENDS WHO WATCHED HIM BRAVELY LOOK AT US TRYING TO SPEAK ONE WORD, LIKE "HI!" Once he said my name. I AM SURE LEVI NOW IS IN HEAVEN AND CAN FINALLY SPEAK HIS THOUGHTS. I CAN IMAGINE HIM SAYING TO US: "I LOVE YOU MOM & DAD, AMANDA, RAYMOND, ANNIE, CHRISTOPHER & BERNARD; GRANDMA, MY AUNTS & UNCLES & COUSINS, AND ALL MY FAMILY & FRIENDS WHO LOVED ME. AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DID FOR ME. I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU TIL GOD BRINGS YOU HOME IN HIS TIME, TOO. TIL THEN, I WILL ASK GOD TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, AND YOU TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER. FEEL THE LOVE, HUGS AND KISSES I'M SENDING YOU, MY DEAR MOM, DAD, SISTERS, BROTHERS, GRANDMA, AUNTS, UNCLES, COUSINS AND WONDERFUL FAMILY & FRIENDS WHO I LOVE VERY MUCH! GOD BLESS YOU!"--Levi
I don't know how to do this guys, Levi was my only motivation for seeking GOD.
I always had this feeling I wasn't gonna get away with having my son. I was always aware I was on borrowed time. Like that place in the Bible where Moses held the water apart so the family could pass to freedom with GOD. I just couldn't hold my arms up anymore. cracks were breaking through allowing flood water to threaten the children I needed help from the one who creates bodies, the designer. I needed help to teach Levi rather than sedate him. I wish I would have been smarter. I wish i would have had help. wise counsel. I needed others to help Kev and I brace the destroyer of good things so some could pass. I wish the water would swallow me now. I want to go with Levi...
JUDY MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER IN LAW,I AM HERE TO TELL YOU, THAT YOU WERE AN AWESOME MOTHER, THERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT..YOU AND KEV CARED FOR LEVI AND HIS NEEDS UNLIKE ANY OTHER MOTHER AND FATHER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.. YOU BOTH GAVE UP ALOT TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.. YOU WERE AND ARE VERY SMART, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO HAVE KNOWN ANYMORE ABOUT LEVI'S DISEASE WHEN TRAINED PROFESSIONALS, RESEARCHERS, AND ALL THEM PEOPLE COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT THEMSELVES?? THE SEDATION YOU TALK ABOUT WAS SIMPLY YOU TRYING TO HELP YOUR SON BY LISTENING TO THOSE PROFESSIONALS, NOTHING MORE.. YOU SIMPLY WERE TRYING TO MAKE HIM BETTER OUT OF PAIN OUT OF HARMS WAY END OF STORY.. YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB WITH LEVI I SWEAR.. MOST PARENTS JUST GIVE THOSE KIND OF SPECIAL CHILDREN AWAY, NOT YOU GUYS, YOU GAVE UP LIVING YOUR LIVES PRETTY MUCH TO HELP LEVI LIVE HIS..I LOVE YOU, I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS, PLEASE DONT WISH RIGHT NOW TO BE WITH LEVI, BE WITH THOSE WHO LOVE AND NEED YOU HERE UNTIL IT'S YOUR TIME TO BE WITH LEVI.. KEEP YOUR FAITH JUDY DONT EVER LET THAT GO AND I PROMISE YOU LEVI WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN IT'S YOUR TIME WITH OPEN ARMS... I LOVE YOU JUDY MORE THEN YOU WILL EVER KNOW YOUR MORE THEN JUST MY SISTER IN LAW YOUR MY FRIEND... IF YOU NEED ME IM HERE...
There are never adequate answers when we are greiving. God is the only one with the answers and the only one who can truly give comfort. Look to the future and do not dwell on what could have been. Levi taught everyone he encountered something about life and unconditional love; you never saw Levi without someone near who watched him and looked out for him and grew with him. Some may not realize what he taught them yet. We are hurting right now but, I cannot begin to imagine the hollow pain that Kevan & Judy are faced with at this time. I truly pray that God can give them peace and give us the right words to comfort them. Levi's life was rich with experiences and challenges that his parents faced head-on and with a loving mind. They taught Levi all about God and the faith that brings peace that passes understanding. I pray for peace and understanding for all of us but, especially for Kevan & Judy. God has taken Levi home and we will be reunited with him one day and will be able to see his pure joy again.
Judy, I can only imagine the pain you are feeling...that it is more than just your heart being ripped from your chest. The poem that Mary posted says it all. God took his child home to be with Him, what better place can there be? But now you and Kevan are left with a huge void in your lives, I cry everytime I think about it. But God still has a purpose for you or He would have taken you too. You, above anyone else that I know, know how to bless anyone you are with, to lift them up, to laugh with them, or to cry with them. You ARE the best mother I have ever known and God knew what he was doing when he placed Levi in your care. And Kevan is the best dad I have ever known. Both of you always did what had to be done for Levi, to make sure he was happy, or content, or fed, or comforted...what ever he needed, you guys strived to get for him. And also Levi had an awesome sister, who took him places and had fun with him, and his brother, Raymond, loved him and watched out for him and had fun with him. God placed Levi in an awesome family. I wished I could take your pain away, but honestly, I feel helpless. No words that I could say can comfort you. When Ragan and I saw you that day, we both felt the same way, but wished we could lay in bed with you and hold you and perhaps that would have been comforting, I don't know.
I want to remember Levi the way I saw him Xmas Eve at Angela's. He was standing in front of me looking out towards the back yard and he was smiling, big time, and it made me smile to see him happy like that. I never did figure out what he was looking at but it didn't matter, it was a joy to see him like that. I have rambled enough but I want to say one more thing...I have more respect for you and Kevan than than anyone else I know. Not just as parents but that is a big one, but for your character, for your love and care for everyone you meet. For truly showing the love of Jesus to everyone you know. You both have taught me a lot...and Kevan is my LITTLE brother???
I love you guys, and more heart aches for you.
Kathy
This is the prayer request that I sent out to my friends and fellow Christians. I would like to share it with all of you.
My nephew passed away yesterday from this life into the loving arms of his Savior Jesus Christ. He was 18 years old. 19 years ago God started his life in the womb of a very special mother who was married to a very special man. Thru the years they continued to grow in the Lord and they shared their home to whomever needed it sharing the love of Jesus to all. Their family grew to include others that wouldn't have had a mother or a dad if it weren't for them. Even tho 95% of their time and thoughts were to make sure that Levi was taken care of, they still had time for others. Right now their hearts feel like it is being ripped from their chest because of this great loss and I am just asking you to please pray for them.
Kevan and Judy and their other children...Amanda, Raymond, Bernard, Chris, and Annie. Thank you, In Jesus name, Kathy
Kev,Judy,Amanda,Raymond,Bernard,Chris,Annie,and all loved ones attending MY LEVI'S FUNERAL. today is going to be a rough day for you.. Please know even though we could not be there with u physically we are there , in each and everyone of your hearts.. WE LOVE U GUYS!!!
Hi all, as I write this, the most of u are at MY LEVI'S FUNERAL, Today has been a bad for me, I went to work but really wasnt at work, my heart and mind was with all of u the entire day... I felt MY LEVI with me all day so I made it through so far. Today I remembered a memory of him and I would like to share it with all of u.. When mom,Kev,Judy,Amanda,Raymond,and MY LEVI were here visiting a few years ago, I took Judy's van to drop the kids off at the bowling alley and brought MY LEVI with me, as I said before I never thought of MY LEVI to be any different so as we were driving down the street I couldnt figure out the radio so I told MY LEVI," how do u work this stupid thing" He laughed at me and went right to the radio and fixed it.. We laughed for bout 10 min. bc it was such a simple fixing and I couldnt do it.He was so smart in so many different ways,obviously much smarter then myself.. We all had so much fun while they were here.. We went on a float trip and Amanda freaked out bc of the snakes in the water, sorry Amanda that was funny. I have nothing but good memories of all of you and I just wanted to let you know that.. I have been looking for this poem and havent yet found it but am determined to today and will share it with all of u on here when I do... I hope ur all hangin; in there and are doing well.. I love and miss all of u....
I FOUND IT.....
THE BROKEN CHAIN
We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.
hi,
I had a good nap. I had the fan on and woke up with a sore throat. my sore throat reminded me that Levi never has to go through another hot summer. weather changers were unexplainably hard on Levi. a 5* change in the weather up or down could force Levi into isolation and discomfort. Like babies or old people. I really believe Levis immune system was the core of all his trouble. But I hate to say that cause some might think if Levi was healthy all would have been better in my world.
Many of you dont know this but, I dont like it here...in the world and its system. the worlds system. its agenda. I remember when i gave birth to mandy and lee...It was cruel to me that nurses that i didn't know had the right to take my children out of my view and do what they wanted to them. to bathe them, take photos of them, comb their hair,poke their feet with needles... at the same time we are taught this is for all our own good...to keep us healthy. maybe its true. but to me it was cruel, for me and my babies. I just didn't trust anybody when i was younger. I had to learn to trust JESUS to survive here.
I am tired of writing now but i want to end for now by telling you guys i love you as best as i know how... JESUS is a trustworthy brother.
Hi Judy, I'm glad u got a good nap.. A well needed one I'm sure.. U are so right about Levi not having to deal with all these things anymore, no more hatred, no more pain, no more confusion,no more being treated or looked at differently then others, no more of any bad things anymore, how happy he must be... However I have to tell u because of u guys Levi didnt feel most of these bad things as often as other Children like him do,or any children for that matter, the reason why is plain and simple it's b/c of u guys,I dont believe Levi had to experience to much confusion b/c u all showed him the way around that.. Everyone has experienced hatred at one time or another in their life , and u all protected him from that.. I can honestly say Levi had a wonderful life while he was here with us in this world of confusion because he was BLESSED to have all of u... U2 were all BLESSED to have him.. Him and Amanda were angels sent to u, to teach u.. We are all put through tests daily in life and all we can do is do our best and u all did that and more.. I dont know to many people Judy that like to be in this world today some but not many but there is a purpose for us to be here,When our time is up we then will know exactly what that purpose was.. I know that part of ur guys's was ( Levi )we just have to wait and see what else we r supposed to do.. Anyways I just wanted to let u know, that I know where ur commin' from about this cruel world were in and the only people that can change it is us..We have to make the best of it while we r here and spread the love to others to ease their pain they feel about the whole thing called LIFE and the cruel world we have to live it in... U guys have touched so many lives I dont even think u realize how many.. It was always a blessing to have u to talk to and still is even though were miles and miles away from one another... Anyways God sends us these things called Angels , and I know that Levi was one of mine and so are you!!!! I love you very much and I cant imagine to begin to know the void and loss u r feeling, just always remember there is another plan we just have to wait patiently to figure out and take care of what it is...
Hi all, I tried to post this to TV Guide for the Travolta family but I couldnt get it to post. I want to share with anyone&everyone.
My thoughts are random, reader; if you read this story out loud it might help to understand me better.
Autism is the result of a wounded immune system.
Proverbs 18:17:
"The first to plead his case seems right until his neighbor comes and examines him."
My son died Christmas day about noon. Levi was 18 years old, diagnosed with "possible autism" at 3.5 years old, epilepsy at age 10, mitochondrial dysfunction at aprox 13, Grave's Disease @ 17. The Grave's diagnosis was disputed by all attending physicians. I want you reading to know that this is the first time I've written about Levi's ascent from the body that was his prison.
Hopefully, most of you will read about my Levi and get a better picture of many things.... of course that will depend on my ability to communicate through this keyboard, and your wisdom.
Levi could not read or speak; he could run about ten feet before falling. He walked fine but not for hrs. He couldn't spell or write information. BUT!!! He could ride a quad ATV alone; he could swim in BIG waves for hours, no life jacket required; he could beat Super Mario!! Levi covered me. If I lay down and my clothes were a bit disheveled, he would cover my exposed skin. He didn't fix my blouse because he was austitic or had ocd. Levi COVERED my nakedness: he knew how love goes, too innocent for nasty. I wish we had half the class. I know it wasn't ocd because Levi never lined up things, or had to have things just so. Levi was the kindest, gentlest, most patient man I had ever known. Actually, John Mace, MD is tied with him for all these titles.Levi covered all who would let him. There is so much more I can add here but I don't really feel like it right now.
Levi was not on any behavior drugs...until three months ago. He took 37.5 mg of Effexor per day. The reason I started him on Effexor was to ease a new school class transition he started in Sept. The morning he passed I'd forgotten to give him his Effexor. What a f-n memory ha?? All readers who want to push meds, consider the pain of that. Levi was on the seizure drug Zonegran. He took three hundred mg every night. I switched from Trileptal to Zonegran about two months ago because Levi had developed debilitating facial tics after being on Trileptal for a couple of years. The Zonegran controlled seizures and the tics effectively. Life was good for a minute. In the last 5 weeks Levi had two seizures. We are not sure if he had a seizure Christmas day.
Levi was 6 feet tall, 300 lbs. The Raiders would have been proud!!! My husband found Levi "resting" in our bed at noon on the 25th. Kev tugged at his shoulder calling to him "Hey Buddy Boy" when Levi didn't giggle..Kevan tugged a bit harder, and Levi's cheek was exposed....deep blue.
Our 20 year old son has taken EMT classes and we all know CPR... Ray and Kev worked hard to revive Levi... the paramedics and ER dept all worked hard. Levi was gone. In 15 min, Levi was gone.
At 11:45 Levi had come into the kitchen to see me. I thought he was prodding me to cook some more. I wish I'd followed him back to my bed and lain down with him and loved on him...Levi came to see where I was because he didn't want to be disturbed by me. He was making sure he had enough time to be with GOD without interruption... without breaking my heart or his. He was sick and tired and GOD came and received Levi to himself . If you get to know the GOD of the Bible this idea is easier to receive. GOD is all merciful as well as all powerful.. which attribute we fixate on depends on life's circumstances.
Levi was a patient at Loma Linda Medical Center, Cleveland Clinic, Rady Children's Center San Diego, Children's Hospital Orange County, Heritage Medical Group Fullerton Ca. He was a student at Buena Park Speech and Language Development Center. We consulted with endocrinologists as far away as Missouri and a pediatrician in Louisiana. A heaven sent neurologist from the Ladders Institute.in Boston... Out of the kindness of her heart she traveled to us. Casa Colina Rehabilitation Center and the Southern Ca. College of Optometry. I'm sure I missed a few...
Levi's father is a factory worker; I have a CPT1 license (I draw blood). We both dropped out of high school. I graduated from a continuation high school (thanks mom). Our daughter is a junior at a university. We have inherited 4 other children from some broken parents. The Travoltas couldn't beat their son's sickness with their millions, just as I couldn't with little.
Joshua 5:13-14:
And it came to pass when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted his eyes and looked, and behold, a man stood opposite him with a sword drawn in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, "Are you for us or for our adversaries?" So He said, "No, but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." And Joshua fell on his face and worshiped, and said to Him, "What does my LORD say to his servant?"
I need to end for now... I'm much better over the phone:909. Naive, maybe... but really I believe GOD covers me.
I don't read the paper, I'm not a movie buff.. I have 6 kids 5-20 years of age. I will always count my Levi. I did see Hairspray... Mr. Travolta was fantastic in it.
One time I ran out of gas and Levi pushed the car a half mile with me steering it. A blessed man name Eddie stopped his day to help.
I can validate the second poem. I didn't understand the deepest loss of the first. it sounded like the first writer dosnt understand or know "GOD will never leave or forsake us." Maybe I in in for a rude awakening myself. But I'm still here and i don't think it is on my own intellect or strength.
I had two dreams this morning. They were painful but they both easy to understand...I think.
they are the first dreams Ive had about Levi in a long time.
He and I went together to a non-relatives house for something. the person was a smarter friend then I a more constructive person...I don't know her. Her house was for only the true, no fool could have stayed long. Levi had wondered off from me and it made me nervous for him... I told my friend I had to leave her company to find him. She followed me as i look in the rooms of the house for him. Levi was in a room with two other boys his age playing/practicing on music instruments together. There was a lady teacher standing in the room assisting all the young men with their music. Levi was seated in front of a window playing/learning a type of keyboard while other young men were practicing different instrument.. they were fine, and they were real. Levi felt useful in the dream. Like he was doing something worth being there for. He was blessed and whole at his keyboard and with the others truly involved in learning for the joy of exercising the mind & intellect. The other dream, which could have been a continuance of the first dream, was all the same; the only difference was they were working out physically together with exercise equipment...Levi was in no hurry to leave the house. He not looking for food. He was not over happy. He was alive because he was not being subject to futility in those classes...taking a lesson wasn't the problem for him there.
Taking a lesson wasn't a problem for him here either. It was the death cycle of knowing the lessons learned here could not be used here. thus futile& extremely aggravating for a young man in our culture.
The dreams tell me to do what I'm supposed to do in front of others, practice life and music and strength training in front others. And with others who want to be in class... and some will live better and have more joy here. And try not to let the clowns in the special needs class. They have a plenty of malls&balls&churches to be in.
The full should be sent away hungry as fast as possible.
1/04/2009 8:27 AM
Auntie BooBoo still misses the guy. I will always remember Levi calling me BooBoo, not because Iwas a boob but because of playing peek a boo. He would automatically put his arm out to play tickle, tickle with me. Sometimes Icould see that he did not want to play but just to shut me up he would play along. After I would tickle him he would nod like to say that he was busy and then he was up and finding other things to do. Our lives will never be the same now that he is not here, but I think that we are a better family for the time he was lent to us. Be careful of how you treat your peers and elders, the eyes of a pure soul will always be watching you!
Everywhere I go I still feel him. My breath still being tooken away from me. Wondering why GOD had to take him. Batteling with doctors, school districts, and places of amusement; Levi always in the center of conversations but never talked to. An empty quad, missing his giant to lead it, myself, almost to afraid to touch it.what was once his home, are now empty walls, we will never be able to fill. Levi, you are still a big part of our lives and will never be forgotten. It is amazing how a son who could not speak echos so loudly.
The thing that I hate and sometimes wish that I had the guts to do is to see videos of the people that we have lost. Not that I can"t see them it is that I still want to be with them. I cat rationalize that they are in a better place, but then I get upset that we are stuck in this world. Sorry, my spelling is not that great but I had to get this off my chest. Levi, a gentle giant will forever be in my thoughts, and to speak of him I hope I can be as helpful as Judy and KEV HAVE been
LEVI AND I HAD A VERY SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP.. I WAS ONE WHO SEEN HIM DIFFERENT THEN OTHERS.. HE WAS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON TO ME AND SO VERY SMART.. I TOLD JUDY HE WAS GOING TO INVENT SOMETHING SOMEDAY BECAUSE OF THE WAY HE THOUGHT AND OBSERVED THINGS. WE WERE IN COLORADO ONE TIME VISITING WITH ED AND DENISE , AND LEVI SAW JUDY AND DENISE DIP THEIR SPOON IN THE CREAMER THEN IN THE SUGAR BOWLS, HE THEN DECIDED TO HELP THEM OUT BY MIXING THE 2 TOGETHER TO SAVE THEM TIME AND SPACE.. HE DID UNIQUE THINGS LIKE THAT AND SOME PEOPLE SEEN THAT AS ANNOYING I SEEN IT AS AMAZING THINKING ON HIS PART.. I USED TO LOVE TO SIT AND JUST WATCH HIM AND THE THINGS HE DID.. I HEAR THIS ALOT BOUT LEVI COULD NOT TALK LEVI COULD NOT COMMUNICATE HE DID ALL OF THIS IN HIS OWN WAY.. JUDY AND KEV AS AMAZING AS THEY R UNDERSTOOD JUST BOUT EVERYTHING HE WANTED OR NEEDED.. HE GREETED WITH A HIGH FIVE AND MOST OF THE TIME A SMILE HIS WAY OF SAYING HI.. HE WOULD GET UPSET AND YELL TO SAY LEAVE ME ALONE , HE JUST SPOKE DIFFERENTLY THEN WE DID BUT HE CERTAINLY SPOKE NO DOUBT BOUT IT.. THE BIGGEST THANGS HE SPOKE WERE THE FEELINGS HE LEFT IN OUR HEARTS HE WAS SUCH A KIND, CARING, AND LOVING PERSON AND THOSE WORDS MY FRIENDS ARE STRONGER AND MORE REMEMBERED THEN ANY WORDS YOU OR I CAN SPEAK.. I MISS MY LEVI TERRIBLY AND AM SO GREATFUL THAT WE HAVE THESE PAGES TO SHARE OUR MEMORIES ABOUT HIM...
Ive been stable than very down....missing Levi is indescribably painful.... I told some friends yesterday how Ive had to let go of people before. Either horrible boyfriends, rotten family, old age, miscarriages. Eventually, In those situations, I could transition because I could rationalize and know "it was for the better" ..... but there is no better here for me. I had a great relationship with a great young man... There is no replacing Levi..... How does one quite life while their ahead.... Its not like retiring on top....
Just sharing with you. GOD has been answering me with sound wisdom,, I just don't have joy to walk with/in HIM right now....I'm afraid of what HE will allow next.
I'm Looking forward to a rainbow tomorrow...I hope it's the biggest Ive ever seen, I hope its awesome...I hope...
Will be in touch soon.
Judy
Ive been hoping to send out a word to let you know we thank you. There is much to say, and I can neglect to say what matters. However, I'm beginning to fear time will pass and I'll never acknowledge all of you. So I will write my note now...and count on you to give me grace if I fall short of giving you proper thanks..
When Levi left us; hundreds of people contacted our family...people who gave us comfort. If you are reading this You were one of those people. It was all good. I want to share a couple stories with you in hopes you will see what all you did for us. What all of us can do for each other when we agree to "give to need."
On the third day of Levis passing I was sitting on the floor next to Levis bed. I was crying and inexpressibly grieving... a group of my girlfriends and my mom had come to be with us. I was telling them how i felt. How my chest, arms and shoulders felt like they were being torn away from my muscle and bone... it felt as though a few inches deep of my flesh was being pulled and torn away as Levis soul ascended upward and away to heaven. I am not being dramatic... that is how it felt. My arms were being emptied. my bosom was becoming alone. I told one of my friends what I was experiencing..I told Jody why I kept reaching into thin air as I tried to embrace Levi, how I felt ripped and torn away. Instantly she said to me.." no wonder people need to be surrounded by others when they feel the way you do, imagine how exposed you are, all that nerve and tissue being exposed like that" At that moment I agreed with GOD to start letting my friends shied me. to see my nakedness, to see me. She had made sense to me. In a way she said, let us do this, let us shield your family now. I didn't realize it till just this moment that she did for me what Philip did for the Ethiopian eunuch in the book of Acts.
Acts 8: 26Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, "Go south to the road—the desert road—that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza." So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians. This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship, and on his way home was sitting in his chariot reading the book of Isaiah the prophet. The Spirit told Philip, "Go to that chariot and stay near it."
Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. "Do you understand what you are reading?" Philip asked.
"How can I," he said, "unless someone explains it to me?" So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him.
The eunuch was reading this passage of Scripture:
"He was led like a sheep to the slaughter,
and as a lamb before the shearer is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
In his humiliation he was deprived of justice.
Who can speak of his descendants?
For his life was taken from the earth."
The eunuch asked Philip, "Tell me, please, who is the prophet talking about, himself or someone else?" Then Philip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus."
In the days before she said that I didn't want others to contact me, I let them but I personally did not know what to do with the people or for the people... Levi was all of our buddy boy. he was all of our place, he was all of ours to have and to hold. But, Jody made sense to me... Her words about exposure helped me to comprehend what I was feeling.
Exposed nerves are excruciatingly painful. GOD sent all of you to cover us, to shield us from the cold, and you did.
To the younger crowd, you gave a day away and washed cars and baked goods and gave your time to wrap your love around Mandy and Ray and as much as possible our whole family. You did SOMETHING. I hope I never forget seeing Coby, Leno,& Jason surround Amanda with donations and brownies!! The purity, and sincerity in their eyes, was the loveliest gaze Ive seen in a young mans eyes in ages. They were just dropping these gifts off. They were representing the group of young people who all pitched in to "give to need".
Beyond agreeing with the things already said and giving thanks to you; Kevan can not comment in this note. He is angry and has chosen to handle his current grief and anger by heeding the advise in Psalm 4:4 (New King James Version)
"Be angry, and do not sin.
Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still." Selah
I have to stop this note for a while now..
First my deepest apologies to Judy and Kevan for not being there at such a time as this, for not knowing or hearing of Levis passing from here to eternity. Our worlds so much alike and yet so far apart. Only this last Sunday March 28th 2010 did I hear of Levi going home to be with Jesus 13 months ago. Simply shocked, speechless and endless tears, my heart more then broken, beyond explaining, and even now as I write, I am broken and share in your deepest sorrow and have for days now since I have heard. As we shared in a world only those of us with special children can share and those that love us and stay by our sides can understand and as we go thru life so different then most, again, my grief and love reach out to you even now, remembering Levi, feeling that deep and precious love for you and your family and your beautiful precious son how I wish I would have known. Judy, you and Kevan did so much for Levi and you gave him the greatest gift anyone can give to another, you gave up your lives for another who's needs were greater then your own. You loved Levi unconditionally , always trusting in the Lord for him daily, just as you reached out to others such as us and our son Aaron. Judy you were the first mom of a child with autism that came to my home, went in my backyard and you were not afraid to approach a child who feared the world, and I like you was so afraid to have you go outside with my Aaron who I too had protected not trusting others but God to take care of Aaron and my trust was and is only in him, even now. You Judy were able to get close to my son, that was the Lord in you, you had a gift of touching special children, and God knew that, that is why he entrusted and for a time in life gave to you and Kevan Levi, so that others around you would see the love of Jesus lived through you and so many others would learn one of the deepest loves, to love one that was not like others, and yet our children have had the same needs as other children, and you met all of Levi's. Levi was precious, I remember your beautiful special son who wandered with confidence always knowing what he wanted to do, didn't matter what others around him thought. continued.....
That is truly the beauty of special children, they never worry about what other people think, they don't usually worry about tomorrow as we do, they are here to teach us so much is what I believe, they are all angels, truly innocent, and precious in God's site. Years ago you walked into my home and quoted Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. For years, I had trouble with that scripture as we have struggled in a home with autism, yet with some very sad changes even with our son in this last year, I have embraced that scripture. It gives us a hope of things eternal, and one day we will all be together, and our children be whole. Levi is whole, waiting at the gates of heaven to meet again with those who loved him deeply, what a future, what a hope we have to look forward to. God's word is true and just, and we must embrace it in this lifetime to make it through. I love you Judy and Kevan, beautiful Amanda, and I only for a moment met Raymond, and I can see from reading the Lord has put others in your life to be blessed by your precious family. I loved Levi, who because I had said it once when I was around him, he said it each time he saw me "How cute" even once when he heard my voice on the phone, he was so smart. Levi knew me and that is how he let me know. Special children impact our lives in a ways that no others can, and to be a parent to one is something no one can ever explain. Judy and Kevan, I love you, I will embrace you daily and cover you with prayers, I know much time has passed now, but it will always seem like yesterday for you until you enter the gates of heaven to embrace Levi again where time is no more, and tears will have been wiped away and sorrow will be a thing of the past, only then will we understand the why's of this world, and rejoice as we Praise the Lord with those that believe.
May God continue to bless you, strengthen you, carry you and gently and lovingly lead you to where your precious gift and treasure is now awaiting to be with you again. Levi is healed now, in Jesus name. More love then I can ever tell you or show you, your sister in Christ, friend, bonded together for ever in Christ and as a mother of a special child. Levi blessed so many lives and hearts, and he will forever be in mine also, Leah
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